The attitude you bring to an experience absolutely affects it.

Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.  Thomas Jefferson.  Imagine this, if you will. Day before Christmas and a guy gets on the bus. He starts complaining about how he had to wait almost 10 minutes for a bus (during the busiest time of day and after a snow storm dropped a few inches on the roads...read potentially hazardous driving.) I welcome him and others onto the bus. I give the general info that everyone needs to hear and he continues to complain as if he was severely inconvenienced and suffered because of the delay despite the conditions. I explain the larger situation and thank him for his feedback, but also thank him for his understanding and patience given the conditions and time of day. He harrumphed it off and continues to complain to his partner. After he and his party got off the bus, a woman approached me and touched my arm sweetly. All she said was “Merry Christmas and have a good day.” There is something about the attitude you bring to a situation, especially a challenging one that directly frames the experience not only for you, but others who are affected by the same situation. Why is this? An environment is affected in some way by every entity or action with in it. Think a summer rain on a parched, deserted field. A forest fire. A flood. Everything is affected by the event in one way or another. 

However, as humans we have a way to choosing our attitude as a reaction to a situation that will further enhance it for better or worse. The fishthrowers of the Seattle water front famously described this management technique in the late 90s. We have an ability to manage our reaction in a way that can, and many times will, affect how we approach subsequent situations. Do we have an obligation to deny or ignore negative or dark attitudes? Perhaps we can learn from them, but do we then have an obligation to control our attitude for the sake of another's experience? Publicly or socially we do have an obligation to check our attitude. Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy breaks this down as the classic example of a moral responsibility. Yet why does the squeaky wheel get the grease? Why do people who complain get the most attention? Because we allow it. It becomes a communication of negative behavior feedback. Complain you get a response that serves your purpose. There needs to be an element of perspective in checking the negative attitude so that it does not infect the social experience. Many people will have the inner strength and perspective to put a Negative Nancy in their proper place, but there also has to be a social line were the complaining needs to be stopped. 

How does this happen? Humor, acknowledgment, and perspective. Laughter is the best medicine isn’t just some cliché phrase, it really works. It minimizes stress, boosts the immune system, and can relax the heart. (PBS) Acknowledging that there is a problem not only helps to solve it but reduces the difficult feelings associated with not being heard. This is true in many situations, addiction, domestic abuse, and anxiety. Perspective. There is an old team building activity where you put a water bottle with lots of stickers in the middle of a group. Have participants describe the water bottle. Everyone’s perspective is going to be different because the surface stickers change as you go around the circle. Yet no one really knows the full understanding of the water bottle until everyone has shared their perspective. Furthermore no one will truly understand the contents of the water bottle until someone opens it and inspects the inside. We must be open to different perspectives in order to fully understand the reality of a situation. The more we listen and explore; the more we understand.

Once we gain perspective, acknowledge the details of a situation, and honestly take stock in our emotional reactions, then we can move forward with adjustment of attitude. It is not easy. There is a practice called karma chores where you begin doing chores around the house. Choose something that is unpleasant and watch what emotional reactions you have to the act of that chore. Whatever emotion comes up is a flag for you to begin dealing with that emotion. Why does it come up? what conditions does it remind you of? What purpose does the emotion serve? Cleaning the toilet for example is not one of my favorite things to do, but once it is done I get a better sense that the bathroom is clean. So I tolerate the process…music helps. In any case choose your attitude, own your emotional reactions, and embrace the process not only to improve your experience, but to enhance other’s.  

Romaine Rolland put it poetically this way: We are created to carry and to defend its light, to rally around it all men who are lost. Our role, our duty is to maintain a fixed point, to show the pole star amidst the storm of passions in the darkness. Among these passions of pride and mutual destructions, we do not single out any one, we reject them all. We commit ourselves never to serve anything but the free Truth that has no frontiers and no limits and is without prejudice against races or castes. Of course, we do not dissociate ourselves from Humanity. We toil for it — but for all humanity. We do not recognize peoples — we acknowledge the People — unique and universal — the People who suffer, who struggle, who fall and rise again, and who always advance along the rugged road that is drenched with their sweat and their blood. We recognize the People among all men who are all equally our brothers. 

Albert Camus calls on us to fight the heaviness of thought in order to develop character. "If we are to save the mind we must ignore its gloomy virtues and celebrate its strength and wonder. Our world is poisoned by its misery, and seems to wallow in it. It has utterly surrendered to that evil which Nietzsche called the spirit of heaviness. Let us not add to this. It is futile to weep over the mind, it is enough to labor for it. But where are the conquering virtues of the mind? The same Nietzsche listed as mortal enemies to heaviness of the spirit. For him, they are strength of character, taste, the “world,” classical happiness, severe pride, the cold frugality of the wise. More than ever, these virtues are necessary today, and each of us can choose the one that suits him best. Before the vastness of the undertaking, let no one forget strength of character. I don’t mean the theatrical kind on political platforms, complete with frowns and threatening gestures. But the kind that through the virtue of its purity and its sap, stands up to all the winds that blow in from the sea. Such is the strength of character that in the winter of the world will prepare the fruit. "

Perspective is everything when you are experiencing the challenges of life.  Joni Eareckson Tada

Seeking a world counter to the “Dog Eat Dog” mentality.

When was the last time you saw a dog eat another dog? The last time I saw two dogs interact, they were sniffing butt and play chasing each other back and forth until they were exhausted. They would rest and then do it again. The dog world is more like sniff each other out and play till you are exhausted. Granted my dog has had issues with other dogs in the neighborhood, but there was no dog eating going on. I believe we have been duped into believing that cutthroat competition is the philosophy that will lead to our fulfillment in life.
I recently assigned a writing prompt fishing for a personal reflection on my students’ sense of cultural identity. Many identified that seeking and obtaining money was a priority. Some were willing to forget personal hopes and desires in order to live with lots of money. Sure money might buy all kinds of stuff, but does it buy us fulfillment or even a sense of self identity? According to Minecraft creator, MarkusPersson, not at all. While discussing the American dream with a few students, one was adamant that taking care of number one (selfishness) was the order of the day and American culture forces you to be that way because everyone believes in it. Yet it is a hollow promise. Society (or at least a few key people with lots of money and power) tells you one thing in order to serve itself. She went on to say that there was no hope left in the world because the opposite of hope is fear and everyone is afraid of losing money, happiness, friends, etc. It was truly sad to think that this was true; I couldn’t help but argue that it wasn’t true, it doesn’t need to be true, and for our own sanity shouldn’t be how we organize our lives. 
American life has potential to present the ultimate proof of Buddhist thought. Desires bring suffering. Ignorance is not bliss, but a form of suffering. If you reduce desire than there is less suffering. We desire the “good life” but yet depression, bullying, gun violence, widespread judgment, and poverty are realities that we can’t seem to shake. While this may not be true for a billionaire, who has everything, who can throw elaborate parties, who may be the poster child of the good life, finding fulfillment is going to be difficult, building relationships with people is going to be difficult, because there are not very many people who can relate to the billionaire. There are many people who identify with struggle, hard work, and occasionally success. 
While we all have the goal of pursuing happiness, it has become a shallow materialistic enterprise. Those that have the most toys wins? Really? The materialistic attainment of stuff in pursuit of happiness is a farce. What is happiness? According to the school of positive psychology, one formula is gratitude over gratification.  Even if you delay gratification you see positive results (cool study testing kids with marshmallows). If you practice gratitude on a situation to situation basis, it doesn’t matter if you are a paraplegic or the poorest person in your neighborhood; if you are grateful for what you have and what you experience, you will be happier. Modern psychology also identifies that a sense of community or belonging is a human need. Human connection is actually a new response to everything from depression to addiction. 
Is fear the opposite of hope? Fear is a function of worry that perceives threats or danger; in the face of the American materialistic lifestyle, fear might be an emotional response to the idea that you might not achieve something or you might lose something that might lessen your condition, your lifestyle, or your situation.  Are we really in danger if we don’t have what we want? If we suspend attachment to things, outcomes, conditions, or even whole lifestyles, then, when things shift and change, we are more able to adjust and change with them. If we resist, in most cases we will just be spending lots of energy. 
Yet back to the marshmallow study that proves delayed gratification, the environment or culture can negate any benefits due to trust issues.  Aikido practice seeks to harmonize with the natural social world. Western practice seeks to order the natural social world. While neither is easy or even, in some situations, possible, each has a very different intention and potential outcome: harmony versus competition with the external. A competitive environment begets mistrust and survivalist attitudes. Therefore the ultimate practice in seeking happiness would be to harmoniously pursue gratitude, community, and reduction of fear. 
Parallel to the Buddhist idea that ignorance brings suffering, the opposite can also be true. Self-knowledge and the seeking of wisdom and understanding can reduce the insecurity of unhappiness and fear. Coupled with gratitude and a sense of belonging, one who seeks to best know oneself and share their experience with others would be the most happy and fulfilled. I know this to be true since when I saw my first marriage disappear; holding on to judgment and expectations lead to suffering, but when I sought self-awareness and self-knowledge with compassion and understanding, I couldn’t help but move on to a better life. 
One step further I am reminded of a great conversation with my sister years ago; one that concluded that self-centeredness is not the same as self-awareness and each has very different impacts on the individual, their community, and their culture. One such topic in a recent blog addresses this issue, but commentary points to the fascination with social media as evidence that we are more self-absorbed and only more self-aware when we unplug. 
So back to the dog eat dog analogy. We are more fulfilled when we genuinely connect with ourselves, with others, and in a legitimate way with our communities with gratefulness and compassion, not when we compete till the death, even if our culture tells us this is how it is.

A Rhetorical Argument against YOLO

Yolo is defined by the Urban Dictionary as an abbreviation for "you only live once." This also means the “dumbass's excuse for something stupid that they did.” It has been misinterpreted as live life to the fullest. It is also identified as “one of the most annoying abbreviations ever”....Yet people, students, and celebrities alike continue to use it. Why? Philosophically yolo means that because you only live once, any mistake or unintended negative outcome is blown off as inconsequential. Disguised behind the idea that we are living a conscious life complete with mistakes, we are not critically thinking about our actions, behaviors, or thoughts. While this has not only been embraced by many people, it poses one of the major philosophical dilemmas of our generation. We don’t feel the need to take responsibility for our actions and we are flippant towards the consequences.  

It is very common for politicians or celebrities to deny and deflect blame. It is very rare for individuals in the public eye to genuinely apologize; instead it just comes off as a PR task. Consider the likes of Justin Bieber, Michael Richards, or Kanye West (CNN). You mess up, you publically apologize and contain the damage. If your ego doesn’t get in the way or it is possible. Sure we all make mistakes and it is a great thing to know that you can develop as a human being over the course of your life. However, yolo poses a whole new philosophical apathy that is troubling to the intellectual engagement of the human race. In other words, Ive messed up and I don’t care. 



It therefore may be the most self-destructive attitude that we can take during the present day. 




There are people who look at the state of the world and decide that there are so many problems and the world is so messed up then why bother? With so many examples of yolo and celebrity apathy that why do I care? Parallel to the apathy and self-disengagement of yolo is the attitude that the world is going to hell so what does it matter if I screw up or screw off? This does nothing to solve the problem, but is defeatist and counterproductive. And according to some psychologists may actually be a sign of mental illness and non-resilience. 




Because of that reality, we must embrace an attitude opposite of yolo.  The Urban Dictionary identifies yodo, or "you only die once," as a way to pick on people who foolishly follow the values of yolo. However, this does nothing, but further perpetrate the problem of disengagement. Undermining someone else’s empowerment or even struggle doesn’t solve the problem. This is also a fundamental element of bullying, the belittling of someone else especially if that person is in a perceived or actual inferior position. 




We need an attitude of engagement, of personal responsibility, of corporate responsibility, of community-wide empathy in such a way that helps to not only give us a sense of belonging, but heals the personal and social wounds we have suffered, to not only connect people who are isolated or marginalized, but to enhance our individual and social lives. Personal responsibility can not be interpreted as a self-centered survivalist reaction. While we must look out for ourselves, there is much social criticism of various individual experiences, celebrity or peer, as ego-driven, contrived, overblown, mundane, or meaningless. Why aren’t we more empathetic towards our fellow citizen’s experiences and challenges? Why are we so judgmental and critical? Why is bullying such a social pastime in our schools? While engaging in personal responsibility will ensure our self-advocacy and self-development, it isn't the only thing that counters yolo. As a society we need to learn and practice empathy; we need to practice positive relationship building; we need to remember that our actions can have consequences; we need to remember that examples of helping our fellow human can have a lasting influence not only on the person we help, but our own sense of self-worth.  




Barack Obama has proclaimed Sept 11 National Day of Service and Remembrance in honor of the first responders of 9/11. He has also encouraged people to volunteer on January 19 a National Service Day celebrating MLK. While days like this do much for our communities, we need to embrace this much more as a community ethic. To help each other is to help oneself. When we connect with a fellow human being and give them a helping hand in a moment of need, then we engage in a fulfilling experience and an improvement of our own character. There are many studies that show the effects of service work; however, why isn’t it more of an American value, practice, or pastime? Is it possible to embrace values parallel to the American dream that champion helping our fellow human or neighbor, any of them in any way that we can? This should be the norm, not the exception. 




Furthermore, if we actively are reflective towards our actions, whatever they may be, then we are more likely to advocate for our own improvement and involvement in many areas of the social process. The Brookings Institute has identified personal responsibility as a key factor in the health and vibrancy of our lives. 




Another challenge to the idea of yolo is the philosophical grounds that we truly don’t know if we only live once and therefore it is self-damning to not care about our performance or improvement over time. What if we do live multiple lives? What if reincarnation is a real concept? While religion has championed an afterlife for centuries, science still has not proved or disproved the existence of an afterlife or reincarnation. There are psychologists that are calling for more study into client revelations of significant and real evidence of past life experiences. See Brian Weiss’s Many Lives, Many Masters or Michael Newton’s The Journey of Souls or Ian Stevenson’s 20 Cases Suggestive of Reincarnation. While trying to avoid a faith based argument, there does still need to be more evidence and more study. However, if this is the case, then would we only prolong our development by embracing apathy or yolo? What is our role in reincarnation? Why would it be being so flippant that we shouldn't be aware of the consequences of our actions. It would also harkens to the tragedy of the commons. An individual's self-centered behavior essentially will undermine the benefit of public use of specific resources. If we had a continuous eternal role to steward the earth, each other and ourselves, then we also must recognize the responsibility to learn how to be not just better, but our best. An old carpenter’s motto that resonates here is that we all do better when we all do better. In order to best organize our own lives and development it requires engagement and personal responsibility, not apathy and selfishness. 

Here’s to rejecting yolo and seeking to do better for our collective vibrance and improvement.